My first encounter with Tarot Cards was more than 20 years ago and came at a time when my life couldn't have been more challenging.

Having left my parents home at an early age, I had been married, given birth and was divorced all by the ripe old age of 24. Since then I had looked after myself and my daughter on my own and now at 29, it felt as if I was starting another lifetime. I had just quit my job of nine years to move in with my new partner, his children, my daughter and a bunch of people I barely knew. Away from the small town where I was born and bread, to a big city 800 km away, and all in the name of my search for spiritual meaning and purpose. While I was putting on a brave face, trying to find a new job and fitting into this new life, I would often get homesick and on weekends take the overnight train back to my past and my old friends.

On one of those occasions of return, I was staying at my best friend’s place and we had a long night of deep and meaningful conversations about life, love and the darned thing called free will. We were discussing my move and the fact that I had done it all to myself. Nobody had forced me to go, I was the one who had chosen to leave my comfort zone and pulled the rug from under my feet! Oh - did I feel sorry for myself. Should I stick with my decision, hoping to find a job soon and to find new friends or should I just pack up and return now?

In the midst of my deliberations, my friend suddenly got up, yelling in excitement: “I’ve got something to show you - you will love it ! “ in her enthusiastic clumsiness spilling the remaining rest of red wine all over the nights old, sad looking cheese platter, where it found it’s way to meet gravity by following the rim of the plate and onto the table. When she returned, she was waving a wet cloth and a salt shaker in one hand - to take care of the spill that by now had reached the floor - and juggling a strange looking purple package in her other hand.

After a rather dismissive wipe with the wet cloth, moving the last drops and crumbs to the side of the table, she unfolded the purple silk that had been protectively wrapped around what now emerged as a pack of cards. She handed them to me with a smile: “Shuffle” she commanded. With what I thought to be healthy caution, I took the stack from her outstretched hand and looked, first at the cards and than at her in disbelief . “Are you seriously suggesting that I should leave my future up to a pack of cards?” I asked her.

After all, we had just established that the reason I had abandoned my nest, crawled out from underneath my security blanket and left the safe shores of my hometown, had all been the result of my own free will. And if I felt lonely and out of place in my new world it was because I had chosen it - or had I ? If only I knew why. The concept of Tarot Cards as I understood it was foretelling the future - totally opposed to my belief in independent action and personal choice. I was sceptic to say the least.

However, the night was getting on and my resistance was somehow superficial. After all, I am an Aquarius and as such supposed to be open to the New Age. Reluctance was giving way to curiosity, so I concentrated on my dilemma and picked a card

and here it was: the Death card! "NO WAY... ” I burst out, rather agitated “ ... after all I have already been through, I refuse to DIE! ”

Of course, like most people probably do on encountering Tarot for the first time, I took the card literally. Startled by my reaction, my friend assured me that this was not really what it meant and that I most probably had a long and healthy life ahead of me and why don't I just read the meaning for the card from the book that had come with it?

By now I desperately wanted some reassurance and above all else a sign that indeed my life wasn't over, so I gladly and willingly turned to the book. While I was reading the meaning of the Death card, my emotions run through stages of relief, understanding and finally excitement. The message of the card became clear to me, it meant: ‘clearing away the old in order to make room for the new’ and it made perfect sense.

It suggested that a stage of my life was coming to an end and that it involved saying good bye to friends, family, a job or a familiar place. The advise was, not to cling to my old life for fear of change - rather to embrace the experience and to have faith. That life was going to offer me new opportunities as long as I was willing to surrender to the process of transformation I was going through. I was astounded and relieved, and needless to say, took the advice gratefully because at the bottom of my heart I new this message to be true.

After this experience, it became clear to me : reading Tarot Cards is not about fortune telling or taking my free will away, nor is it just about finding out what is going to happen to me in the future - above all else it is about making sense of what is going on in my life, finding a higher meaning in my worldly existence and being honest with myself.

I realised that I had been handed a precious tool of self-empowerment that could be utilised not just for my own benefit, but also for that of the people who came to see me for advise.

Upon my return to the big city, I immediately went to a bookstore and bought my very own first set of Tarot cards.

While I embraced Tarot with respect and a willingness to receive guidance from a higher source, in return it helped me to open up my spiritual connection. With time my psychic awareness and intuition opened up more and more, enabling me to find deeper insights and hidden messages in the images, colours and symbols of the cards. Over the years my Tarot cards have become a faithful companion to me, and just like with very good friends who I can count on to be honest with me, I never ask them for advice if I am not willing to hear the truth about a matter.

Tarot is not a magic wand that just needs to be be waved to make life better. That means we will not always find the insights we expect or the information we would like to hear. However, with an open mind we will receive the guidance on how to understand and best deal with any given situation - to know what needs to be known to walk the path, is not the same as knowing the path.

I have been reading cards for clients for more than twenty years now and for the last ten, I have been teaching people how to read the cards for themselves and others in my Intuitive Tarot Workshops.

To me, Tarot is like a road map that helps me find my way, but just as having a map of a place will in itself not miraculously take me there, I still have to make the trip in order to get to my destination - Tarot can help me find the way but I am still the one who has to go the distance.

So, do I believe in Tarot Cards? let's say, on my personal 'Fools Journey' I appreciate all the help I can get ...